Mama Tried

Book Review by Jeff S. Age 35

"This is a great book. Nathan and I really got into it although I was very anxious towards the end that perhaps the little bald baby would not actually find his binky.  I thought there were several other places he could have checked- did he look in the car? That's where Nathan usually leaves his.  He could have called the Swiss Embassy for assistance. Nathan and I suggested that to him.  We also considered calling Geraldo Rivera. If the binky had been in Al Capone's vault Geraldo would have found it."

Motherhood Myths and Food Nathan Will Eat

I'm reading Perfect Madness: A book about moms with some really long subtitle because you can't write a book about mothering without a subtitle that runs on for three or four pages by Judith Warner, and am rethinking my "grabbing books at random at the library policy" because the mothering books all seem kind of pointless. Before this I read a book about images of mothers in pop culture and how that was making it so hard to be a mom, and I just don't buy that.  I don't worry about measuring up to some mom in Redbook or Parents anymore than I worry about measuring up to some model in Vogue or about my house looking Domino perfect.  I mean, it'd be nice, but I am pretty sure images in magazines are not necessarily translatable to real life.

But back to Perfect Madness. I think Warner's main points are that they take better care of new mothers in France (I believe it), attachment parenting can make you crazy and is not that good for your kid anyway (taken to the extreme, I believe that, too, although I think the better point is that any parenting style that runs counter to your own philosophy and temperament will be tough to implement), and something about how this is all because we used to have eating disorders (I skipped a lot of the pages on eating disorders, and there was plenty to skip). 

I don't know. I get angsty and neurotic about mothering (see: my worries over my failure to implement a nap schedule, for just one of a trillion examples) but I think that is more because I'm a little neurotic, and if I wasn't a mom I'd be transferring it to some other area of my life.  I don't know why motherhood gets singled out as this big thing that makes people unhappy and needs lots of books written on the topic- possibly because motherhood, these days, is super fun. Lack of a nap schedule notwithstanding.

In Nathan news, he is weathering his first runny nose like a champ- it is making it hard for him to sleep but he doesn't mind, otherwise, and I have given up on the saline spray/nasal aspirator because the snot seems to keep coming no matter what.  I did call the pediatrician just to ask what I should look out for (fever, cough) but am not too worried about it.  He also has started to appreciate applesauce, making the list of foods he eats look like this, in order of preference:

-banana (which he doesn't even want mushed up)
-hummus
-oatmeal
-summer squash
-winter squash
-sweet potatoes
-applesauce
-peas
-pears
-green beans (which probably don't belong on this list at all, he hates them but will gladly hold one and suck on it, he just won't allow himself to swallow any of it)

Reading Rainbow

Thank you, Kelly, by the way, for the book suggestions. I picked up the Going to Bed Book immediately as Sandra Boynton's Doggies is one of Nathan's all time favorite books. (It was also his first book and looking back I am so glad I did not continue to wear sweatpants past the second week post partum).  We immediately added it to Goodnight Moon with his bedtime reading, although I cannot figure out why all the animals get dressed, brush their teeth, and... exercise?

I also ordered Put Me In The Zoo and Chicka Chick ABC and because I need free shipping I got Polar Bear, Polar Bear which I recall reading often to these three hooligans, one of whom then became a Thunder Reader. 

I cannot wait until Nathan is old enough to get books from the library (which I think will be once story time doesn't involve lots of chewing on the books).  But in the meantime, to go along with Let's Nosh, I got Eating the Alphabet so Nathan could eat and read together.

But also, my grandmother, who is an expert on the topic, sent Nathan a check to get "the Spot books" and I assumed it was a series but did you know there are whole SHELVES of Spot books?  Spot does freaking everything.  We got Spot's first words and Spot's first colors, and Spot Bakes a Cake because sometimes Nathan does bake with me, and Spot goes to the farm because Nathan has a farm animal thing going in his room, and Spot loves his Mommy for obvious reasons. And I read them and Nathan tries to bite them and goes agahgahgha adahdahdah.

I am not sure all of this will make Nathan smarter, or a big reader, although genetically he's got the predisposition to be a big reader, anyway.  His great grandmother was a children's librarian, his grammy has been known to read while driving, and his mama is book obsessed.  His daddy, too, loves to read, even if his reading is restricted to music biographies and Mojo magazine.  Just because he likes reading now is no guarantee.  If it was, I'd also be very worried about how he would ever make a career out of sucking and licking his fists, because that is pretty much the only occupation that interests him right now. (While being read to, while having his diaper changed, while on his gymini or blanket, while in the car, while taking a bath, it is all about the hands in his mouth all the time.)  But for now it's fun for both of us, and that can't be wrong.

Convert

About a month ago, when I decided officially not to go back to work, I also got lazy with giving Nathan  a bottle.  He took them so well, and I figured he didn't *have* to, so what could go wrong?

Well, I didn't anticipate that he would get to be so much more easy to manage and that eventually not only would I feel confident leaving him with Jeff alone for a while, I would actually WANT to do so.  This weekend I went out to get my nails done, breezily leaving Nathan and Jeff and a bottle... which Nathan refused, instead fussing the whole time I was gone.

Fortunately, I had also recently purchased  this book, which my friend T had raved about a while back, in anticipation of adventures in solid food.  I figured Ellyn Satter would have something to say about helping a child accept a bottle.  Her advice seemed logical, if frustrating- she recommended just offering the bottle once a day and if he refuses it, so be it, and usually it takes up to 10 tries for the baby to accept it.  It was a little maddening on Sunday, as Nathan screamed when the bottle touched his lips, and I didn't want to just say, "Okay, you don't have to try it," but I did.  Monday he held the bottle in his mouth and took about half of the half ounce before spitting it out in disgust.  Today, though? He drank the whole half ounce in one minute flat and was annoyed there wasn't MORE. 

This all gives me a lot of confidence, as intellectually Satter's approach to feeding- offer meals and let the child choose whether or how much to eat- makes sense, but emotionally, even with the bottle, it seemed hard to accept.  I can imagine it will be harder when Nathan turns down food I've prepared, but I can also imagine he'll eventually try it. 

And I'm never going to skip offering the bottle for too long again.

Reading List

After I blogged about reading and loving Andrea Buchanan's Mother Shock I was surprised to get a very nice email from Andrea Buchanan, offering to send me a copy of It's a Boy, which of course I took her up on, even though I can only assume she did so as a PR move, without realizing I have a blog readership of about a dozen, 8 of whom are my immediate family. Or perhaps she is just very nice.

It's A Boy was a fun read, but it didn't tap into the same place of "Oh my god, I totally fear that!" and "Yes, that is exactly what I am feeling!" that Mother Shock did.  Maybe because there were so many different authors and they all seemed to be hitting the same areas, instead of it being one author's chronicle of growth. Or maybe because I just don't have the same fears and phobias about raising a boy that I do about motherhood in general.  Motherhood is still mysterious and scary and weird.  Boys just seem like little people. I am not tied up in knots about what if he likes trucks a lot or what if he doesn't like trucks a lot like a lot of the essay authors seemed to be- I assume that he will be able to come to his own decision about his feelings about trucks and there is not a lot I can do to influence that decision either way. 

Part of this is probably because I have two younger brothers, and I saw them as babies and toddlers and kids and adolescents, and they both seem to be growing up to be just fine.  Another part, though, is that among our friends and family there is a very wide range of different types of manhood- I do not worry too much about defining what sort of man my son will grow up to be because I know he has a LOT of different role models to choose from, and all I can really do is hold up all of the great examples he has in the adults in his life- both men and women- and assume that he will look at those and choose his own adventure.

Plus, right now, I am way more worried about him pooping on me than anything else. Assuming he hurries up and gets born already. Not that I am counting the days (seven).

Now Reading

I probably have now bought every book that looked vaguely reasonable on babies, pregnancy, motherhood and breastfeeding and am working my way through a ginormous stack.

The book I am currently reading, Mother Shock is my new favorite.  Andrea Buchanan describes so accurately what I've been going through lately, trying to prepare- the obsessive reading of delivery stories online, the panic and anxiety that I'm not up to the task of parenting- and it is a relief to see those feelings written down.  A lot of the other stuff she writes about I don't know about yet, but I can anticipate and see elsewhere. She had to give up breastfeeding and someone on the internet told her that she should try to re-lactivate (??) since formula was like feeding your baby dog food. (Yelling at strangers on the internet who have breastfeeding issues has not gone out of style, apparently.)

That fear of parenting wrong is with me all the time. We have been considering cloth diapering- we have really good reasons to try it (a friend gave me all her diaper covers and hamper; we have a washer and dryer, our daycare will provide cloth diapers for $15 more a month.... environmentally and financially it seems like the logical thing to do) and one reason not to (we really, um, just don't want to).  I don't agonize like this over other personal choices- I don't look anywhere for justification for, say, what I eat or where I live- but the diapering thing, I keep feeling like I need a better excuse.  Like if I don't try it I'm starting out as Lazy Earth-Hating Money-Burning Mom and, um, strangers will judge me for it. Is every decision going to be this hard? Why can't I just get a diaper champ and some Huggies and move on?

Lots of other little things are freaking me out- but then I remember that I'm not the only parent involved. Usually I talk things over with Jeff and we figure it out and I feel better, and I have a lot of support from my family and friends, but this stupid diaper thing I feel like is my issue to tackle and mine alone.   

(This is really one of those worries that just indicates I have too much free time to worry about nonsense, right?)

Pregnancy Reading

Maybe. Probably not, though.

My copies of What to Expect When You're Expecting and Your Pregnancy Week by Week arrived after my altercation with the mailman, and I have to say, WTEWYE suuuuuucks.  Jeff read the part to the fathers, and was all, "Do they think I'm an idiot?"

I do have crazy panicky thoughts like the questions in the book- you know, the omg will walking past a microwave ZAP my baby??- but I prefer not to be addressed as though that is the only level of thought I'm capable of having.  YPWBW was better, for sure, and the pictures/illustrations made it much more useful.

Then, of course, I spent some time in Barnes and Noble and found the pregnancy book I SHOULD have gotten to start with- Your Pregnancy and Birth by the American Ob/gyn whoevers. It's practical, and no-nonsense, and has the kind of "trust your doctor because they went to medical school and you are prone just taking the word of some yahoo on the internet which is not always the best plan of action" worldview that I can get behind.

In other news, I have been noticing pregnant ladies everywhere. The other day I thought I saw one and thought, "wow, that belly is really high up" before realizing she wasn't pregnant. She just had hooters that would make Dolly Parton look twice.